Why am I even?

posting my indiegogo project here:

http://igg.me/p/257095?a=1636811

why? maybe it will increase ranking traffic something something, eh.

anyway, click it.

click it, click it, click it, click it.


and then fund it.

How Reality Should Be

Dogs should live forever.

aaand we're back...

...to feeling shit all the time.

Partner has moved out, so cold my damn toes blistered last night. Going to sleep as the sun comes up, waking for a single meal a day, sleeping after sitting staring at a computer all night.

Not working, same things just buzzing around my head constantly, yeah i guess it's all pretty shit.

BUT HEY I'M NOT GAMBLING!!

An Exciting Story that Everyone Should Read!

Post was originally titled "A Boring Piece of Shit That No-One Will Ever Read" but decided to make the minor adjustments in keeping with my new found optimism. So let's talk about that.

Lately I've been getting up at 8:30am each day and going to sleep around 10pm which is incredibly bizarre for me, I don't recall EVER doing that for more than 1-2 days in a row. I am also catching myself sinking into depression more and being able to avert it sometimes, and if it does take a hold I'm able to tell myself that it will pass and I'll feel better. Why haven't you tried doing that before?

For awhile I was getting worse, was thinking about suicide more often and for longer periods, I suppose I could now be in one of those rebound states mentioned above, ready to plummet into despair any day now, hopefully not.

Interestingly all this has happened since I've stopped taking my anti-depressants.

Anyway there's some words for whoever, hopefully they'll mean something to someone.

is all gone

last few times....  free chips... won a fair bit, i mean, it doesn't mean anything anymore.. but more than a few weeks average wages.. winning.. but then losing, and even when winning is losing... i need to lose, i need to fail. it's not a good thing. anyway i hope you have a nice day.

I look in the mirror and all I see

is;
someone who craves losing more than happiness.
someone who shuns the nicest people they meet.
someone who just can't think of a reason.
someone who still thinks they're important even though they're posting to a blog that literally no-one reads.
someone who doesn't give a fuck if by reading that last point you've disproved it.

i look in the mirror and all i see is the same old face staring back at me.

that might be a quote, i don't know, i don't care- fuck you, fuck you all.

Changes

Had my first dream about gambling where I didn't win last night.